Yesterday I sort of osmosified with my bed where I then proceeded to spend the majority of my time. After a ridiculously full work week rounded off by Thai and Techno followed by drinks at Dachkammer on Friday and shooting for the blog and watching “The Witch” (excellent film totally worth seeing) with Joel and Jon on Saturday, I just needed to vegetate. Minus a brief catch up with Artur and drinks on the Balcony with Joel and his new lady in the late evening, the biggest life decisions I made on Sunday were literally whether to roll over to my left or right for full naptime comfort optimization. I just could not be arsed to do much of anything.
After how busy I was the last week, a bit of R&R was definitely in order. But in addition to needing some peace and quiet, the usual mid-to-late twenties fears began creeping back in, resulting in me wanting to hide under the covers all day.
Now, I am not saying that the best course of action is to shut out the world for weeks on end when you are feeling less than 100% about life, but you also do not have to constantly pretend that everything is a-ok when it’s not. You also do not and should not feel guilty for feeling this way. After all, these waves of malaise are pretty standard for your 20s. Life is something none of us have quite figured out; after all, if thousands of scientists, philosophers, and religious figures throughout the ages have yet to agree with each other on what it all means, I’m pretty sure it’s perfectly fine if you are sitting there pondering the meaning of life in between checking buzzfeed and scrolling through instagram on a Sunday afternoon.
All I am trying to say is that it’s normal to have self doubt or to question the meaning of it all. After all, existence is so much bigger than us or mankind, or this earth, or this solar system. It’s strange and confusing. None of us asked to be put here, but here we are, thanks to a funny mix of chemicals or divine providence or whatever, rolling with the punches and trying to make sense of it all. We do not have be certain of our “high purpose” at all times. After all we possess the ability to feel sadness and fear for a reason.
And it’s this questioning and searching for what may not be the meaning of life itself but the meaning of life to us as individuals that is ultimately the reason we go through these periods of questioning, self-doubt, and/or boredom with life as we know it. And this meaning can and will change over time, after all we are never the same person we were five seconds ago.