I've been on this earth for close to three decades now, and while that does not certify me as a wise old sage by any stretch of the imagination I do think it warrants me to voice my opinions on certain things based on my life experiences. Also this is my Blogazine so I will say what I damned well please.

(See what I did there? Already embracing this #nofucksgiven thing.) Plus, at almost 30 you stop worrying about people pleasing and realize that focusing on everyone but yourself is a huge expenditure in energy. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

Here’s the thing – when we are younger we want to make sure that we are liked. We bend over backwards to say the right things, laugh at the right jokes, shut up at the right moments and act as if we are not bothered when we truly (and often rightly) are.

But with the finite about of time we have on this earth, why should we be spending it placating others? Shouldn’t we be spending it doing what WE want to do with the people we WANT to do it with? Shouldn’t we stand up for ourselves and others when it’s needed and call out bullshit when we see it?

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I’m not calling for a crazy, emotionally anarchistic free-for-all or giving anyone (including myself) a free ticket to pass go, collect 200€, and be a raging douchebag. I am saying that we often second guess ourselves way too much, hold onto relationships out of social politeness as to not make things awkward, bite our tongues so people don’t think we are sassy, or feel bad for an eternity and a half when we slip up and act snappy.

Well guess what? We are human. And sometimes we are just having a bad day and acting like a bitch can be part of that package. Now I’m not saying you should be blindly unapologetic on those days, but I’m kind of telling you to be blindly unapologetic on those days. Because we all get like that sometimes. It’s a part of the human condition and we should allow ourselves to have bad moods and not beat ourselves up about it.

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The catch is that when we are in bitch mode anyone is free to call us on our bullshit as well, and we should acknowledge it without getting our panties in a twist. After all, you have to be willing to receive it if you are doing to dish it – and if you are receiving unnecessary bullshit from someone else I am giving you permission to call them on it.

So what if some random man at Starbucks thinks you’re a bitch cos you just broke up with your boyfriend, buried your dead cat, and got evicted and just don’t have the patience to deal with his lollygagging way of ordering a single frappuccino for 10 minutes? It’s 7am and this drink only comes in three sizes, for fuckssake!

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Now let’s get a little bit personal here: Working in social media has made me hyper aware of how people view me. Not so much online (although there too) –  rather when I meet people IRL at events or otherwise. It always makes me wonder how much pressure famous people and celebrities are under to give all the fucks in the world, just to ensure that no one wrongly accuses them of being a terrible person in every tabloid across the country.

But the other part of this argument is that not everyone is going to like you – so you should stop trying so hard and start using that energy on more enriching endeavors, like binge watching Skins on Netflix for the umpteenth time. Even if you are kind, fair and level headed, some people are just not going to be that into you. And why should you try to force it? If the roles were reversed and someone you did not get on with was trying desperately hard to be your #bffz, I’m sure you would find it uncomfortable, too. Don’t be that guy. It’s more stress than it’s worth and it always leads to disappointment and questioning your own self worth – something you definitely should not do because there are people out there who will like you just the way you are, and who you will like just they way they are, too.

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Yesterday I had to deal with someone’s bullshit on the phone and after five minutes of trying to make it work, I thought to myself ‘fuck it’. Life is too short for this BS. So I kindly (or not so kindly) told her I don’t want to work with someone so rude and disrespectful and abruptly ended the call. Phone drop! Except not really cos I love my iPhone as if it were my first born.

As I said, this isn’t some article telling you that the #sorrynotsorry policy should be used indiscriminately as there are times and situations where we do need to bite our tongues or respond in a humble fashion regardless of whether it’s “fair” or not in our eyes. But remember – snapping at the lady on the train who won’t stop chewing her gum at the level of 600 decibels, or telling the man talking loudly about his close-minded views on immigration and homosexuality to kindly fuck off, is oftentimes a totally legit course of action.

Embrace your inner bitch in these moments and stand proud. Because mama didn’t raise no fool. Or no pushover either.

Photography: Rae (self portraits)

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Rae

Rae Tashman is both the creative mind behind LFB and a freelance photographer. She lives in Berlin with her two fur babies and loves creating images and living consciously.

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  • wait, what. you’re almost 30!? how is that even possible — you look…25! xD

    i really appreciate and love this post. i’ve been this sick with people on the internet lately because everyone feels the need to wear the cape as social justice warriors, pretending to be sages and saints by screaming how this opinion is wrong, evil or bad. people are so pretentious these days it makes me sick. netizens are starting to act like pretentious hypocritical saint-wannabes tryna defend what-they-think-is-bad when really sometimes, it’s just them being stupid. for instance, i saw this one person who screamed justice and tried to defend a country and culture that isn’t hers and she’s like “omg you can’t be like this! this is wrong that is wrong yadda yadda yadda…” it’s hilarious for me because a). she doesn’t understand other country’s cultures and yet she screams justice like she understands shit and b). she, who is an outsider, is screaming like a mad sage when the locals, the natives who are from that country, who grew up in that setting and surrounded by the cultures from that area, are super chill about it. i know that this post isn’t about SJWs but it just reminds me how people today pretend to be “good” and angelic because they care too much. i feel like people reject their fugly, bitchy side because well… who want to be called a bitch, right? but in my mind, that makes someone even more fake. i personally prefer knowing people when they are unfiltered even if they can be such a bitch when it comes to petty things — at least that feels real, ya know what i mean?

    i mean yeah sure, it’s not ok to be a bitch and put others down when they have done nothing to you. i try my best to always control my temper – for e.g. if i’m mad at A or about A, i’ll try not to drag that into my conversation with B because i know better than to be an unapologetic true blue bitch by yelling at everyone who are not at fault. but i feel like people today are so scared of being raw and unfiltered because the internet is forcing us to have this angelic persona who defends the “right” mindset. what is the right mindset anyway? perspectives differ, perceptions vary and the internet is starting to forget about that. ugh, i can go on and on about how this post reminds me so much about why i’m so tired of the internet and its pretentious SJWs but i’d rather not. i’ll spare your time for that.

    anyway, really really appreciate this post for being real and raw! this is what makes me love LFB so much.

    • rae

      Girl this comment means so much to me! I am so glad that you could connect with this piece and that you are such a fan of LFB. We really try to be a very honest voice on our little piece of the internet even if we are not the biggest online magazine out there.

      And yes, I was actually just talking to Betti about this on the phone – caring about the rights of others is extremely important but sometimes the left can loose sight of how to explain equality and what truly constitutes as racism and are very quick to attack the other side – I won’t get too into this yet as I am thinking of writing a piece on this but be sure to expect my opinion soon :)

      And yes it’s not about being a total dick to strangers or those who do not deserve it, it’s about sticking up for yourself when you should, and allowing yourself to have a voice becuase no one is going to have one for you.

      • i’ve been thinking about writing an essay about social justice warriors and why i think they’re pretentious hypocrites too but i’ve been so tired from work that i always end up dozing off the moment i reached home haha

        i find it hypocritical too when people think everyone should develop a mindset of “do not fight fire with fire.” i can’t stress how pretentious that is because let’s face it, humans are not angelic. and not all of us can afford to be sages. if they want to be saints then so be it but i don’t want to be dragged down and forced to have their mindset, ya know what i mean? i’m the kind of person who’d fight fire with fire because i don’t want people to bitch and shit on me and think it’s ok to do it. some people choose to walk away because they think that’s morally and ethically right – well i can’t always do that. if someone decides to shit on me, i’ll show them who they’re messing with. sometimes, it’s not that we want to act like assholes. it’s these people who need to know that not all of us care about being angels. i mean, it’s not my fault if i fight back to defend myself – if they don’t want me to show my fangs then why provoke in the first place? it’s like people forget that wild animals do not attack you unless you provoke them. no dogs will go batshit crazy and bite you if you did not caused them to develop such behavior. people forget that there is always cause behind every effect and instead, shoved that ‘let us all be saints and sages and angels’ mindset down everybody’s throat. tbh, idgaf if people call me a vengeful person, at least i don’t pretend i’m a saint when i’m not and at least i’m upfront about my principle as opposed to people who pretend to be saints and yet they bitch about others behind their back.

  • A complete YES to this post! Yes, yes and yes again. Brilliant and so real to say.

    Katie // wordsbykatie.com

    • rae

      So glad you enjoyed this piece, Katie!

  • Wow I absolutely love this. I’m now 23 but feel this so much more than I did even a year ago. I work with a lot of people only 2 years younger than me but they’re constantly worrying what people think of them and saying all the right things even if they don’t agree and I’m moving on to that ‘IDGAF’ attitude – as long as I’m happy with the person I am, that’s all that matters to me.

    MissIsGoode | Issy xo

    • rae

      I am so glad that this piece resonated with you. I do think it is a learning process and we need the time to process the fact that we do not need to liked by everyone. Sounds like you are way ahead of the game though and that is an awesome thing!

  • Yesss you gotta know when to put yourself first and start putting your energy into something that is worthwhile for you! And lol, don’t mess with anyone who hasn’t had their morning coffee yet :P -Audrey | Brunch at Audrey’s

    • rae

      This is so true!

  • *thunderous applause*
    PREACH. IT. RAE. I love your for this post, I love it, I love it, I love it. I adore that outfit as well but back to the point, I keep nodding at all of this. Even now with just 20 years I am sick and tired of giving so many unnecessary fucks that I’m just like you know what…… eff it.

    Thanks for this and stay awesome.

    Hannah
    Stories Of A Telescope

    • rae

      Exactly what I am saying girl and so happy that you enjoyed this read!

  • AMEN! this post made my smile and laugh and nod my head in agreement =o) I completely agree, there are those days were you just are a bitch and it sucks for who ever crosses you that day. thanks for sharing your wisdom with us =o)

    https://dreamofadventures.com/

  • Oh, you are so right! Unfortunately, me having the nature of a people pleaser it can be very difficult not to be a people pleaser and just the way I am. It seems that the only person I am comfortable being myself is my boyfriend and funnily enough no matter what bull* he has experienced from me he is still next to me. I know you are right, it can be just hard to actually not care about what others think, especially if they are “semi close” friends… :D Great piece!

    Lii
    https://byliil.wordpress.com/

  • “The catch is that when we are in bitch mode anyone is free to call us on our bullshit as well, and we should acknowledge it without getting our panties in a twist.”
    Love it. So true.

    -Grace | http://www.gracestamps.com

  • I need this! Hallelujah! Lol. <3

  • BLESS. BLESS. BLESS. as time goes by i feel like i’m done being a people-pleaser and just say go to hell to their face. i’m not gonna play nice if they aren’t. a girl can only be nice for so long, ya know? i’ve been too nice for so long and i’ve gone unnoticed throughout so it’s time to release my inner pent-up anger. zero fucks given over bullshit. and yes, please do correct me when i went out of the way. it’s totally appreciated. gosh i love this article too much <3

    and, oh, look at you. what a doll <3

  • Laura Santos

    Well said!

  • 1. You are beautiful!
    2. Fuck yeah! I think it takes everyone a bit of time to feel more comfortable speaking their mind, but once you figure yourself out a bit more and decide how you feel about certain things and what your beliefs are, then it’s much easier to stand up for yourself and what you believe in. And I think as everyone gets busier and takes on more things, even just being in your early 20s and finishing studying and getting a full time job or whatever else, one you start feeling pressed for time you realise you just don’t have it in you anymore to pander to everyone, and that it doesn’t make your life any better doing things that way anyway. Much better to do things on your terms and stop wasting time on people and situations that don’t make you happy.

    littlehenrylee.net

  • Sara Violassi

    OKAY this blog post is everything! You are such a breath of fresh air! Thank you for sharing to the world this piece of gold!

  • Mackenzie Schill

    Yes! Yes! Yes! The best thing I’ve ever done for myself, is to just let go of the toxic influence that other people have one me. Who cares if I like weird stuff? Who cares if it takes me four tries to leave the house because my brain is all over the place (ok, I kind of do, I hate being late to things all the time). Mostly though, if someone isn’t bringing some sort of positive value to your life, you have no obligation to keep them in the picture. Self love and care are so hard to implement in to your life sometimes, but things like this are always so worth it in the end!

    -Mackenzie
    http://www.kenzywho.com