Anatomy of an Outfit is a series featuring my personal style as well as reflections on various subjects. The clothes and thoughts expressed in these posts do not have any particular relation to each other.
For some reason this year, I’m find it kind of difficult to pinpoint what exactly I want my “big changes” to be. In past years, I was really eager to make lists about all the big things I was going to start or the bad habits I was going to kick. And although I am very much still a work in progress and will be until the day I’m no longer here, maybe it’s cos I’m finally feeling a general sense of contentment with where I currently find myself. I know that it’s all a one steady stream and the goals I am in the process of achieving mean nothing without that process. I’m along for the ride and loving it.
I’m sure a lot of it comes down to the fact that I am working really hard to improve my wellbeing – mentally mostly because I haven’t really been to the gym in months (despite paying that damned bill each month). I have arrived at a pretty good place, I guess. I’ve arrived in home inside myself full of self love and self care, which means that small setbacks (and even big ones) can be put into perspective – into a grand ole big ass scheme of everything else. I’m just one being, on a giant earth full of millions of others and there will be ones after just as there were ones before, so my small, insignificant ups and downs are not what is so important anymore – it’s what they can teach me and how I can grow from them that matters. It’s not so much a contentment in thinking I’ve all of a sudden got it all figured out (because I sure as hell don’t), but a contentment of knowing how to go forward gracefully while stumbling along the way.
As far as more concrete things go though, I will be working this year towards maintaining a healthy mindset, surrounding myself with intelligent, good people, whom I can learn from and return the gift by trying to give what I can give. All relationships are built on giving each other little boosts until we all get there. I will also try to fight that urge to be too hard on myself, because I still fall into this habit – expecting bigger and better, sooner, now. And to cut myself some slack when some things fall apart – my fault or not. I’ll be striving towards more self improvement but also recognising that some things just come to an end and no one person or one thing is responsible for it. I’ll also be looking to some how carve out a space in time to begin making music again, even if just for myself. In the end, it is quite simple: I’m just looking forward with anticipation to the start of more living life and experiencing everything with a full heart and open eyes in 2015.
Photography: Johannes Husen