Anatomy of an Outfit is a series featuring my personal style as well as reflections on various subjects. The clothes and thoughts expressed in these posts do not have any particular relation to each other.
Relationships are a funny thing. I always find it really odd that you can spend all of your time an energy on this one person for years and then poof! one day they are just gone. I know that friends “break up” too, and even these endings can throw you for a loop, but it’s never quite as drastic.
Sure, you share a lot with friends – laughs, tears, and everything in between – but you don’t throw yourself into friendship like you throw yourself into love (no offence, my dear friends). Which is why it’s really strange when you look back on your life and think of all the people you gave pieces of your heart to but now don’t even talk to on some semi-regular basis. They go from being everything to, well, complete strangers.
So how does it end? Sometimes you change and in turn, what once worked doesn’t anymore. Sometimes you were never really the person you thought you were with him in the first place. Sometimes you were holding onto something you never really even ever had. But regardless of the reason, the love you felt for that person was real and crippling in some marvelous way. And although the fights increase in frequency, and you both somehow know things have to end, somehow it always feels as if something that started so suddenly and unanticipated ends just as abruptly and unsuspectedly.
It’s kind of funny how we’re never really quite prepared, even though we all seem to understand that to every action there is an equal and opposite reaction and that love should really be no different (except for when it is, and then, folks, I would be so bold as to say you may have found “the one” that the poets have been writing sonnets about throughout the ages.)
There are some who are able to have friendships with their past boyfriends, but I haven’t really ever had that luxury. At 28, I’m not really the kind of girl who pines for lost things, and although my heart has a harder time letting go than I would like to admit, once I’m in the clear, I’m fine letting those ships sail. It seems as if when that person who you were with them ceases to be the person you are, it’s only sensible that you close that chapter of your life, and with it, any kind of a relationship with that person.
I still respect and value each man who has entered my life. I acknowledge where things went wrong on both sides, and although I used to be the kind of hopeless romantic that thought love always had the possibility of a second chance, I think I have come to believe that there is a reason why things end. After all ends are not always bad, because they open the door for new beginnings. They allow for the expansion of all that you are and don’t hold you back. They invite new chances to find out who you are, what kind of pieces fit with yours, and what kind of person feels your pieces fit with theirs.
We often spend so much time focusing on a specific relationship at any given time – either with the person we are with or with the person we feel we have just lost. I think we do this because most of us are constantly on the search for the one that will last. And although only masochists purposely enter relationships doomed to fail, I’m gonna say something bold here: I think we might be going about it all wrong in our incessant quest for “the one.”
Sure, I hope to find someone who ticks all the boxes and whose boxes I tick. A love for the ages. I’m just as much of a romantic fool as anyone else. But as with everything I do believe that it’s all about the journey and that your final destination on the train to “Mr. Is-still-around-after-all-those-damned-years-and-can-still-make-me-smile” is just as important as all the little stops/Mr.’s along the way.
Some are only meant to come into your life at a certain time. And most have a specific expiration date. And that is okay! It doesn’t make the love any less real that you two shared. Your life doesn’t start and end with just one person – unless you are a disney princess (which in that case, please tell me the secret to thine gravity-defying hair).
And as such, a singular relationship on the road to that eventual person who you will end up with does not exist in a vacuum divorced of all that came before it and all that will come after. So stop searching for the one, and start searching for what fits now. Cos actually, there’s lots of ones. The one that was right when you were 18 and reckless. The one that was right when you were 24 and looking for something stable. And the one that you’ll hopefully grow old with. And enjoy it, be happy, and take it as an extra bonus if you hit the love jackpot and end up with the bloke for ever and ever (and ever ever).
All I am saying is that the men that walk in and out of your life are each meant to bring you what you need at that point in your life. Just as you are meant to do for them. The bad ones may help you learn what you should and should not accept from another human being (lover or not), where you went wrong or show you which traits clash with your own. And the good ones may teach you about both the strong qualities you bring to the table as well as certain aspects that you really do value in a partner. And they all prepare you for working harder the next time around. The And isn’t that kind of beautiful?
Now don’t get me wrong, when you do love, I say jump in with both feet. I know I always do. Put that man on a pedestal like Petrarch did Laura (just remember to climb up there as well sometimes). Go on and believe that the suns shines out of his arse. Do crazy shit you only do when you are head over fucking heels in love. Allow yourself to be captivated by this other human being and let yourself feel just how special that person is – because they are. We all are and it’s a pretty freaking special thing when we find another human being who has the ability to see this quality that exists in us at the same moment in time we are able to see it in them.
But remember that love is not just romance. Love is not just that one other person. Love is also a fluid feeling that you may pass on from one relationship to the next before you decide to give it fully to what greeting cards like to call “that special someone.” Love is also there to show you the best sides of yourself. To show you the kind of lover you can be. The kind of best friend you can be. The kind of defender you can be. And everything in between. Love is just as much about what you feel for another other person as it is about how we navigate life.
Anatomy of this Outfit
Leopard print top: Forever 21
Lacy blazer: Forever 21
Faux leather Moto Jacket: Nasty Gal
Ring: Urban Outfitters
Body Con skirt: Free People