Anatomy of an Outfit - photos: Thommy White edits: Rae Tashman -

Anatomy of an Outfit is a series featuring my personal style as well as reflections on various subjects. The clothes and thoughts expressed in these posts do not have any particular relation to each other.

Relationships are a funny thing. I always find it really odd that you can spend all of your time an energy on this one person for years and then poof! one day they are just gone. I know that friends “break up” too, and even these endings can throw you for a loop, but it’s never quite as drastic.

Sure, you share a lot with friends – laughs, tears, and everything in between – but you don’t throw yourself into friendship like you throw yourself into love (no offence, my dear friends). Which is why it’s really strange when you look back on your life and think of all the people you gave pieces of your heart to but now don’t even talk to on some semi-regular basis. They go from being everything to, well, complete strangers.

Anatomy of an Outfit - photos: Thommy White edits: Rae Tashman -

So how does it end? Sometimes you change and in turn, what once worked doesn’t anymore. Sometimes you were never really the person you thought you were with him in the first place. Sometimes you were holding onto something you never really even ever had. But regardless of the reason, the love you felt for that person was real and crippling in some marvelous way. And although the fights increase in frequency, and you both somehow know things have to end, somehow it always feels as if something that started so suddenly and unanticipated ends just as abruptly and unsuspectedly.

It’s kind of funny how we’re never really quite prepared, even though we all seem to understand that to every action there is an equal and opposite reaction and that love should really be no different (except for when it is, and then, folks, I would be so bold as to say you may have found “the one” that the poets have been writing sonnets about throughout the ages.)

Anatomy of an Outfit - photos: Thommy White edits: Rae Tashman -

There are some who are able to have friendships with their past boyfriends, but I haven’t really ever had that luxury. At 28, I’m not really the kind of girl who pines for lost things, and although my heart has a harder time letting go than I would like to admit, once I’m in the clear, I’m fine letting those ships sail. It seems as if when that person who you were with them ceases to be the person you are, it’s only sensible that you close that chapter of your life, and with it, any kind of a relationship with that person.

Anatomy of an Outfit - photos: Thommy White edits: Rae Tashman -

I still respect and value each man who has entered my life. I acknowledge where things went wrong on both sides, and although I used to be the kind of hopeless romantic that thought love always had the possibility of a second chance, I think I have come to believe that there is a reason why things end. After all ends are not always bad, because they open the door for new beginnings. They allow for the expansion of all that you are and don’t hold you back. They invite new chances to find out who you are, what kind of pieces fit with yours, and what kind of person feels your pieces fit with theirs.

Anatomy of an Outfit - photos: Thommy White edits: Rae Tashman -

We often spend so much time focusing on a specific relationship at any given time – either with the person we are with or with the person we feel we have just lost. I think we do this because most of us are constantly on the search for the one that will last. And although only masochists purposely enter relationships doomed to fail, I’m gonna say something bold here: I think we might be going about it all wrong in our incessant quest for “the one.”

Sure, I hope to find someone who ticks all the boxes and whose boxes I tick. A love for the ages. I’m just as much of a romantic fool as anyone else. But as with everything I do believe that it’s all about the journey and that your final destination on the train to “Mr. Is-still-around-after-all-those-damned-years-and-can-still-make-me-smile” is just as important as all the little stops/Mr.’s along the way.

Anatomy of an Outfit - photos: Thommy White edits: Rae Tashman -

Some are only meant to come into your life at a certain time. And most have a specific expiration date. And that is okay! It doesn’t make the love any less real that you two shared. Your life doesn’t start and end with just one person – unless you are a disney princess (which in that case, please tell me the secret to thine gravity-defying hair).

And as such, a singular relationship on the road to that eventual person who you will end up with does not exist in a vacuum divorced of all that came before it and all that will come after. So stop searching for the one, and start searching for what fits now. Cos actually, there’s lots of ones. The one that was right when you were 18 and reckless. The one that was right when you were 24 and looking for something stable. And the one that you’ll hopefully grow old with. And enjoy it, be happy, and take it as an extra bonus if you hit the love jackpot and end up with the bloke for ever and ever (and ever ever).

Anatomy of an Outfit - photos: Thommy White edits: Rae Tashman -

All I am saying is that the men that walk in and out of your life are each meant to bring you what you need at that point in your life. Just as you are meant to do for them. The bad ones may help you learn what you should and should not accept from another human being (lover or not), where you went wrong or show you which traits clash with your own. And the good ones may teach you about both the strong qualities you bring to the table as well as certain aspects that you really do value in a partner. And they all prepare you for working harder the next time around. The And isn’t that kind of beautiful?

Anatomy of an Outfit - photos: Thommy White edits: Rae Tashman -

Now don’t get me wrong, when you do love, I say jump in with both feet. I know I always do. Put that man on a pedestal like Petrarch did Laura (just remember to climb up there as well sometimes). Go on and believe that the suns shines out of his arse. Do crazy shit you only do when you are head over fucking heels in love. Allow yourself to be captivated by this other human being and let yourself feel just how special that person is – because they are. We all are and it’s a pretty freaking special thing when we find another human being who has the ability to see this quality that exists in us at the same moment in time we are able to see it in them.

Anatomy of an Outfit - photos: Thommy White edits: Rae Tashman -

But remember that love is not just romance. Love is not just that one other person. Love is also a fluid feeling that you may pass on from one relationship to the next before you decide to give it fully to what greeting cards like to call “that special someone.” Love is also there to show you the best sides of yourself. To show you the kind of lover you can be. The kind of best friend you can be. The kind of defender you can be. And everything in between. Love is just as much about what you feel for another other person as it is about how we navigate life.

Anatomy of this Outfit
Leopard print top: Forever 21
Lacy blazer: Forever 21
Faux leather Moto Jacket: Nasty Gal
Ring: Urban Outfitters
Body Con skirt: Free People
Tights: H&M
Creepers: T.U.K.

Photography: Thommy White
Editing: Rae Tashman

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Stay conscious, Rae


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Rae Tilly

Rae the EIC of LFB and YEOJA Magazine. She is also a photographer and social media influencer.


  • you’re such a fairy inside and out ;__; /strokes your photos <3 the faded haircolor makes it look even dreamier. and such smile. ah that lucky guy who'll own it all for himself one day, i envy.

    you know what? i just had this whole massive speech by a driver who got me home. he asked why i haven't married? why i haven't had a bf? and i'm like, it's easy for some others. and i'm the opposite. it's not just love and all that butterflies following all the time. to me, to be romantically involved with someone requires more than that. something not to feel just my heart, but also my soul and brain. someone who's more than just compatible. someone who completes me. and that's a long and neverending process. and i hate trial and error. let me waste my time on better things than that. i think that's what people nowadays kinda fail to understand that love is more than physical thing and a matter of attraction.


    p.s. he also asked why come i don't want to get married by 27? i said none pushed me to do that. everyone in my family is super chill about marriage. and then he said what? "just because your family doesn't push you, doesn't mean you should follow them. what about society?" i said "why should i follow this fucked up society which only ask but never gives solution? they don't pay me anyway."
    p.p.s sorry for the long rant, rae T_T i feel like shooting you an e-mail but maybe later when i can contain everything T_T

  • As always, my favourite posts from you are your anatomy of an outfit, and always I find myself nodding along and agreeing with you. Love is such a fluid thing, and although I have loved many, and most have failed, and most have failed because of myself (which is not self-pitying, I move on and I move on selfishly). I move in quick and I get out quick, the middle ground of ‘what could this become’ somewhere (up until now) I’ve never loitered in. I think too, we forget that loving someone should be fun, we should enjoy that feeling and if we’re not maybe something isn’t quite right. One of my best friends is an ex, we dated when I was 16 for a couple of years, and then after broken hearts didn’t talk for another two, but then we reconnected and have got on spectacularly ever since. Sometimes I think what-if we tried again, as it’s been ten years since we were together and we have both changed so much, but I also think that this friendship is so much to me and it is so fulfilling to know that we have a love together, it is not romantic but it is based on knowing and being together in a whole new way.


  • People, friends, lovers come into your life and you can learn and take away what you want from each relationship. When I was younger I was obsessed with having a boyfriend but end up just kissing a lot of frogs! That was ok though because when I did eventually find my Mr. I knew he was what I wanted, not all the ‘mistakes’ I made before! If you’re ready for love, love wholeheartedly, don’t be afraid to show every side of you and enjoy the ‘now’ with your partner rather than obsessing with where this is going!

    Ps. Looking beautiful Rae!

    Hanh | hanhabelle

  • Rae….. this is so beautifully written!! Honestly one of my faves… although I’m still 21 and still have a looong way to go everything you’ve written feels so relatable and I am sooo in love with the title of this post too! Sometimes I think we tend to mistake our feelings to be love when most of the time it’s just a fling and we end up feeling crap anyway. We also forget most of the times that love isn’t just roses and butterflies but also the hard things we have to face together as a couple..

    This is once again one of my favourite posts of yours haha! and your hair looks so pretty as usual :D

  • Beautiful post! :) Kisses!!

  • Edna

    Love your writing style! Love is one of the most complicated yet one of the most beautiful things we can experience :) Beautiful photos!

  • Beautiful piece of writing – I have actually been doing some thinking about ‘letting go’ of people from my past. Not in a “I still have feelings” way, but in a “I’m still pissed at you for what you did” kind of way. But it’s so true what you say that with each relationship you learn what works, you learn what doesn’t, you learn what your limits are and how to stand up for those limits, and you learn so much about yourself! Also, Love is such an exciting and wonderful feeling. It’s something lots of people don’t get to experience, or can’t find a way to open themselves up for, and it’s a real lucky thing to be able to Love.

    ps. would you be opposed to me using one of these photos for my “Colour Lovin” series on my blog? I am sooo into these photos and the colours! Will credit of course ;)

  • Such a beautiful post. Love is so strange and complex. It sounds like you’re good at learning from the past, and although I never used to be like that I’m slowly getting to that point. Loved the photography in this post as well!

  • This was a beautifully written post. I have always found that same thing the strangest and hardest part about breakups. When any relationship ends you essentially leave a piece of you behind and have to move on. Sometimes that’s relatively easy, sometimes you find yourself still missing that piece of yourself and of who you were years later.

  • Beautiful post. Even though most relationship and friendships end, they helps us grow into the person we are!


    Tamara –

  • When I moved away for college, it was hard for me to come to terms with the fact that there were some people I was friends with in high school simply due to proximity, perhaps nothing more, perhaps something more. With some people I’ve been able to accept this, and with a few others it’s been harder. -Audrey | Brunch at Audrey’s

  • thefashionfolks

    Such a beautiful reflection. So weird how life consists of so many beginnings and ends with people you’d never imagine you’d grow with! Xx

  • Those photos are amazing, the backdrop of flowers is lovely!



  • I’ve been super inactive here and I didn’t have the chance to say how good you look with the new colour of your hair!! I love it.
    ps: you look so gorgeous in this pics! (as always)

  • Such a beautiful reflection! I have friendships with my ex-boyfriends, but it took time to cultivate them and some time apart. Letting go is something that I am working on and I read a quote yesterday that really inspired me: “When you let go of something you are holding onto, you make room for your destiny to move in”. It really resonated and often what we try so hard to hold onto is what no longer fits naturally in our lives, what would lift away if we didn’t have a strong hold on it. So I want to practice letting go and letting in what is right for me now.

    Inma x

  • Love your hair color c:

  • Carmen Jny (carmitive)

    This is such a beautiful post. I love your honesty! Great pictures as well dear <3
    xx, Carmen –

  • Ouuh gorgeous romantic vibes coming from your visuals! Thank you for those reflections on a topic that is praised to be the center of life. Is it strange that I think exactly the same about the right person coming & going in life eventhough I’m a tad bit younger? I hope you’ll find the one who ticks off all of your boxes!


  • Beautiful, Rae! And your words have never been truer – I think we often take life seriously to appreciate ‘other things’ and clinging onto the past just won’t help (I have learnt, at least) so you’re right when you say we should be looking for what fits now because now exists only now and then not anymore :-) on days when I find myself caught in melancholic nostalgic, it’s more of a poignant ‘what it could’ve been’ feeling but then I remember that that’s really out of anyone’s control so you can’t unchange it so you might as well try and make now with more hope! Woop woop!

    Cherie | sinonym

  • sileas

    The photos are just gorgeous! I admire how reflective and realistic you are without losing your sense of romance! As much as you might change but keep this attitude :)

  • Sophie Lee

    Stunning photoshoot, love your hair color <3

    xoxo, Lastestbag – Best Bags For Women 2016

  • Love your jacket! Also, I totally get where you’re coming from, and this is the reason why I’ve never been a relationship and only agree to be on friendly terms with a man so that I get to know him more (to the point that he gets fed up of waiting around and POOF! Then I certainly know he’s not the one lol) So far, I’ve only known one man who’s actually waited around and is comfortable with getting to know each other as friends first, and it’s lasted 3 years so I’m guessing it’s gonna be time to dive into a relationship soon, but who knows what might happen…

    Pop over to my blog!


  • This was beautifully written. I couldn’t agree more that people can be perfect for us at a certain time in our lives, but just because you find love with someone it doesn’t automatically mean you get it keep it. As sad as it is and as horrific as heartbreak can be, it makes us stronger if you allow yourself to learn from it, and the person who’s perfect for you at 30 usually isn’t going to be the same person who was perfect for you at 18. Of course the reality of losing love isn’t necessarily so poetic but it’s important to remember that each relationship shapes us and teaches us different things, and chances are without the first one we may not have been in the right place for the second one to happen, and so on. So we just have to let each one teach us what it’s meant to and take those lessons into the next one until hopefully we find the one that’s right forever. Of course that’s not guaranteed to happen for any of us, but it’s still the dream.

    Jessica –