Yesterday I sort of osmosified with my bed where I then proceeded to spend the majority of my time. After a ridiculously full work week rounded off by Thai and Techno followed by drinks at Dachkammer on Friday and shooting for the blog and watching “The Witch” (excellent film totally worth seeing) with Joel and Jon on Saturday, I just needed to vegetate. Minus a brief catch up with Artur and drinks on the Balcony with Joel and his new lady in the late evening, the biggest life decisions I made on Sunday were literally whether to roll over to my left or right for full naptime comfort optimization. I just could not be arsed to do much of anything.

After how busy I was the last week, a bit of R&R was definitely in order. But in addition to needing some peace and quiet, the usual mid-to-late twenties fears began creeping back in, resulting in me wanting to hide under the covers all day.

Now, I am not saying that the best course of action is to shut out the world for weeks on end when you are feeling less than 100% about life, but you also do not have to constantly pretend that everything is a-ok when it’s not. You also do not and should not feel guilty for feeling this way. After all, these waves of malaise are pretty standard for your 20s. Life is something none of us have quite figured out; after all, if thousands of scientists, philosophers, and religious figures throughout the ages have yet to agree with each other on what it all means, I’m pretty sure it’s perfectly fine if you are sitting there pondering the meaning of life in between checking buzzfeed and scrolling through instagram on a Sunday afternoon.

All I am trying to say is that it’s normal to have self doubt or to question the meaning of it all. After all, existence is so much bigger than us or mankind, or this earth, or this solar system. It’s strange and confusing. None of us asked to be put here, but here we are, thanks to a funny mix of chemicals or divine providence or whatever, rolling with the punches and trying to make sense of it all. We do not have be certain of our “high purpose” at all times. After all we possess the ability to feel sadness and fear for a reason.

And it’s this questioning and searching for what may not be the meaning of life itself but the meaning of life to us as individuals that is ultimately the reason we go through these periods of questioning, self-doubt, and/or boredom with life as we know it. And this meaning can and will change over time, after all we are never the same person we were five seconds ago.

Photography: Sandro Moscogiuri
Editing: Rae Tashman

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Stay conscious, Rae


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Rae Tilly

Rae the EIC of LFB and YEOJA Magazine. She is also a photographer and social media influencer.


  • very well said Rae. I had that whole question bugging me for a whole year, what were we really created for. But sometimes we don’t gain knowledge by finding the answer to such a question, sometimes we do by enjoying the journey of finding the answer (which might never be found). Great insight!

    • rae

      So true, and yes, I think that most women (and men!) our age wrestle with these thoughts. They can sometimes get us down, but we can also use them for a jumping point for more exploration about what we really want from and think about life.

  • The Witch was SO GOOD. I’m glad you liked it! Yeah I took a few days off as well. I just finished the majority of my Honors Thesis and I needed some time to be a person again. Of course that ended in me completely doubting everything I’ve ever done, but I guess that’s just how it goes. Great post!


    • rae

      Right?! I was seriously thinking about the plot line trying to decide if everything that happened were simply psychological manifestations on the part of the characters or if they really did “take place.” This film definitely re-awoke my interest in this period in American history. Doubt is such an integral part of life and it is definitely useful in that it forces us to re-examine our choices rather than accept things at face value.

  • sileas

    Wonderfully written, it was such a pleasure to read! It’s nice to end the day with some philosophic thoughts…

    • rae

      So glad that you enjoyed this post!

  • Morgan Miller

    Beautiful post!
    Morgan |

    • rae

      Thanks, Morgan!

  • Inspiring post! I felt like that this weekend and decided to give myself a little break x

    • rae

      So glad that you found this post inspiring!

  • Wonderfully written, Rae! Can definitely relate as I’ve been feeling that way yesterday and today as I’ve spent the whole weekend at a festival meeting loads of people and zero minutes to myself. I felt exhausted and overwhelmed by the end of it and now I’m taking a break.

    Hannie from Missing Wanderer.

    • rae

      Thank you so much, Hannie! And yes, it is all about the balance between doing extremely social things and taking out time to just be by yourself.

  • Ah. I liked reading this. Such a relateable feeling; though I often feel like I spend too much of my time contemplating life and what I’m doing. That introvert life :D It’s always nice to hear from other people that they also don’t have EVERYTHING figured out ALL of the time. And that that’s totally normal and A-OK. Thanks for sharing :)

    • rae

      So glad that you enjoyed this read, Maria! And no, I don’t think that any of us really have ALL of it figured out – and if anyone tells you they do, they are probably lying or rather surface thinkers. Of course we do not want to dwell constantly on the big questions, but it is healthy and normal to do so and to be uncertain, sad, and even lonely sometimes.

  • This post couldn’t have come at a more perfect time. The last sentence resonates so much. Perfect.

    Amber | y a c h t s m a a n

    • rae

      So glad this post spoke to you at a time you needed it!

  • Great insight Rae, thanks for sharing!

    Hannah | Oh January

    • rae

      Thanks so much, Hannah! I just got your email too and will respond soon!

  • totally true of the turbulent twenties! that’s what I’ve decided to call this decade, anyway. it’s a crazy time and I agree and think one of the best things to do is what you suggest here, to come to terms with our feelings and doubts and accept them instead of headbutt against them.

    • rae

      Right? I really think that’s what being 20 is all about. Trying to do shit, and hoping for the best. And yes, we do need to accept uncertainty and feelings of dissatisfaction, confusion, or loneliness. I think these are feelings that will stay with us throughout our lives. Of course, if these feelings persist for too long, that is something that needs to be addressed, but it is normal not to have it all figured out – not just in terms of your daily and work life, but LIFE itself.

  • Overtime I’ve realized it takes a lot of guts to be okay with uncertainty, because it can be downright scary. I’m going through a period of this myself so I can definitely relate!

    xo, alice / T Y P E N U

    • rae

      Oh so true. But I think it is something that we need to embrace but also something that is supposed to make us uncertain and cause us doubt from time to time. I mean you could opt for that simple uncomplicated life only within the confines of your comfort zone but I am pretty sure even that would get dull after a while and cause feelings of emptiness. So much better is to dive right into the unknown and embrace all the feelings that come with it. At least uncertainty is more exciting.

  • Haha, this post speaks to me because it’s basically how I’ve been feeling the past. . oh. . .six months. I hit a big life milestone last week and was dealing with all the anxiety and life searching and slight depression that comes with it. That “Where am I What am I doing Where am I going” that tends to inevitable come up. . .Thanks for sharing this post!


    michenn Skincare Sundays

    • rae

      Of course and I am sorry to hear that you have been so down for the last half a year! I think that these periods are very normal though – clearly if it goes on for too long and you feel as if you cannot get out of your sadness, I hope that you have resources and people you can turn to. But I also think that anxiety about life and sometimes feeling waves of sadness is a fully normal and human thing we all go through.

  • idu

    I think it’s safe to say the we all have those days when we just want to pull the covers over our heads and shut the world out and I’ve come to learn that it’s totally okay. So chin up babe, it passes fast. Have a great rest of the week.

    • rae

      Oh so true, and I think it is entirely okay to indulge ourselves. Just as long as it doesn’t become a regular thing! You too lady!

  • I’m a naturally repressed person (repressor???) as many friends point out. I don’t show much emotion or voice my thoughts on struggles, including being uncertain. For me, I naturally remove the thoughts of uncertainty and just dust it away under the rug. It’s a terrible habit of mine, it ignore and repress and hide. In my opinion, it’s healthy to question the meaning of life and individuals and relationship. To question everything is important for mental cognition. One that I’m not sure I can do. How meta of me.

    It’s alright to be uncertain, it better than ignoring the uncertain I’m sure. I’ve always been uncertain about everything, but I’d rather not talk about it. I’m not open like that. But I still hope you’re doing well, Rae. Take care and have a good rest <3

    xx Bash |   go say   H E Y   B A S H

    • rae

      I hope that you can figure out a way to confront your struggles instead of sweeping them under the rug! You do not have to force yourself to talk about them with all of your friends, but I do hope that you can either begin to face these struggles on your own, or find someone you can trust to talk to about them! Bottling up feelings is never good! And thank you, I am doing well, these waves of uncertainty and sadness are just part of life! They will undoubtedly go away and pop up again and go away and pop up again… ad nauseum!

  • Ahhh I know those moments all too well. I feel like sometimes, you just gotta wing it, and keep moving forward. I tend to doubt my choices a lot, and feel uncertain, and sometimes that keeps me from moving forward and making bold choices. Great post.
    Blue Jazzmin

    • rae

      Definitely. Although I do also think that it is okay to embrace these feelings of uncertainty as well. So glad you enjoyed this post, Farrah!

  • Haha I love the last two sentences of the first paragraph. I’m lucky I had a three-day weekend this past weekend to potato. I watched a movie and three musicals (on DVD) and did a lot of cooking and eating with a friend :) -Audrey | Brunch at Audrey’s

    • rae

      Potato-ing is so wonderful and so needed! Glad you were able to veg out!

  • Amy

    This is such an important post! There’s so much pressure from society to pretend that things are ok even when they’re not, but it’s most important to take care of yourself ♥
    Amy xx

    Little Moon Dragon

    • rae

      So glad that you enjoyed this post and yes, I agree as well. It is okay to admit we are having a less-than-perfect day.

  • A needed post. I think people are reluctant to show that they are less than ok because it ruins the “perfection” facade or concedes not having “it” together. But it’s important to take time for yourself, to relax and really rest your mind. A good veg session is necessary to constant productivity!

    Alyse (J.X.L.) | Lumière & Lens

  • Sophie Lee

    So well said, cant agree with you more <3

    xoxo, Lastestbag – Best Bags For Women 2016

  • Great words! That’s what I did all weekend, because my previous week was absolutely hectic, and despite having quite a few errands to do on the weekend, I’ve planned them for this week instead, as it seems to be a quieter week. I hate how nowadays society wants us to be doing something all the time, and put on a facade of hard work, when in fact self well-being is of most importance :)

    Pop over to my blog!


  • Now, I am not saying that the best course of action is to shut out the world for weeks on end when you are feeling less than 100% about life, but you also do not have to constantly pretend that everything is a-ok when it’s not. You also do not and should not feel guilty for feeling this way. – YES.

    I’m pretty sure it’s perfectly fine if you are sitting there pondering the meaning of life in between checking buzzfeed and scrolling through instagram on a Sunday afternoon. – MORE YES.

    Thank you for this post, for giving me something so relatable.


  • Ron

    Hi Rae,

    Inspiring words. I think that if I ever figured out life, then I no longer have purpose to live. I actually love not knowing my destination but I am really excited about the journey. I suffer from some anxiety here and there but I guess it is our mind and body’s way at hinting that we might be in danger or that we should think twice about doing something.

    It is usually the unknown that gets me excited and riled up. I love knowing that I do not know what is in store for me. I can plan my life and I do so knowing that everything could change in a split second. I sometimes feel the way you do, where I need to shut out everything for a little bit but the pattern I saw in myself is that I always get back up and seize the day, despite of personal challenges.

    Thanks for this inspiring post.

    Ron | Nearby Wanderer