If at first you don’t succeed… just stop giving a flying f*ck? Oh hello there, my name is Rae and there are a shit tonne of things I give a fuck about – particularly building my career. But if there is anything that the last few months have taught me, it is that I have clearly been going about things all wrong. Because there is a sad and simple truth: Only two kinds of people make it – those who don’t give a fuck and those who elbow their way to the top. And I fit into neither of these categories.
Last week I was talking to a good friend of mine whose band was set to open for Titus Andronicus the following week. Now this friend of mine is a talented lad and loves creating music with his band, but as it currently stands it’s mostly a side project for fun. Now, he happened to be at a party where members of the other opening band just happened to be there. One of the band members from the other opening band began talking to him about how difficult their musical career had been thus far – how full of ups and downs it had been up until now – but that it had all been made worth it because they would be opening to a sea of 200 people in the next few days. When sharing his own band’s history with making music, my friend just kind of awkwardly replied that this was their second gig.
Now I am not saying this is some fantastic story or anything, nor did anyone find $5 at the end of it, but the point of this little vignette is to illustrate a point – the band that had been trying to make it and giving all their’s shits about their future had been dealt one blow after another. My friend and his band who play for fun sort of just shrugged their shoulders and found themselves being asked to open for a band after just playing one gig.
I have other friends who choose to instagram for fun and have 10K followers because they just don’t give a shit about their numbers and I see other people busting their metaphorical balls to try to break 100. The universe can be such a douche.
And then there are those who don’t bat an eyelash at stepping on or over whatever thing or person they need to in order to climb to the top. And these people generally make it to the top, because they will do whatever it takes. Now this may not be a “not giving a shit” mentality in the traditional sense as they clearly give a shit about making their dreams come true, but they do not give a shit about who they have to fuck over on their way to the top.
And so after 28 years of existence, I have learned one very important lesson: only those who don’t give a shit (assholes and non-assholes alike) make it. Just kidding. Except not really. But here me out for a second, because I think I’m going to be arriving at some profound conclusion in a few more paragraphs.
So switching topics entirely (This will all make sense in the end – there is a method to my non sequitur, I promise), I recently watched a ted talk about the surprising habits of original thinkers where Adam Grant discusses the sweet spot between procrastination and getting shit done. Procrastination is paramount to creative people. Those who pre-procrastinate or leave everything to the very last moment have a quantifiably less amount of creativity, but those who fall in the sweet spot between the two – originals – seem to generate the most creativity. Why? Because “procrastination gives you the time to think in non-linear ways and make unexpected leaps.”
And this is the point I am getting at. I don’t actually believe that not giving a flying fuck is going to get you that college degree or music contract, but worrying about your college degree or potential music career every second of every hour of every day is also not going to make your dreams come true. If that other opening band just went with the flow, those downs might not have felt like such huge downs and those highs would have felt more effortless and enjoyable.
Let’s take another (this time, entirely banal) example – you know that dread you feel when that guy (or girl) you really like doesn’t text you for over 24 hours so you decide he (or she) clearly hates you and is already dating 20 other people so you decide to Eternal-Sunshine-of-the-Spotless-Mind him (or her) out of your brain and join a Convent where you will give your heart to God, the only man (or woman) that will never leave on you or cheat (because he/she is non-corporeal)? Yeah that shit cray-cray. But we have all been there and the worrying just makes the seconds tick by as slow as hours. Now remember that time you finally said to yourself “[Insert your name here], you are clearly being an insane person. Calm the fuck down, there was a world before texting and a world before [insert name of guy/girl]. And that world was literally a week ago. So calm your tits, woman!” and just went about your day? Inevitably, when you least expect it, his (or her) text comes rolling in when you couldn’t even be arsed to check it.
Now clearly, the universe did not get some kind of memo when you decided to just stop giving a fuck and commanded the person who are seriously jonesing for to send you a text as some sort of reward for calming the fuck down. He (or she) would have sent that text regardless. But because you were not waiting around for it, it seemed to come effortlesly. You are clearly still into said person, but you stopped being an insane person for 5 seconds long enough to let them prove to you they think you’re pretty alright too.
So what do Grant’s Ted Talk and my story about the beginning of every crush in the history of crushing ever have in common? They have a sweet spot – that perfect balance between both ends of the spectrum that tends to produce the best results. Whether those results are actual scientifically quantifiable ones or simply a matter of perspective is kind of irrelevant because that sweet spot is inevitably going to get you what you want, and that’s the goal right?
So what I am saying is this – for those of you who are stressing out about your blogging and social media careers (I have seen a lot of posts lately about people questioning whether they should throw in the towel or not), freaking out about a guy (or girl) not calling your back, worrying about the exam you have tomorrow or any other worry that seems to be on constant replay in your brain, try to find the sweet spot.
I’m not telling you to quit your blog, or decide to blacklist said guy (or girl), or throw all your notes in the air and watch Netflix for the next 24 hours, but I am telling you to maaaaaybe do so in a small and figurative way (except for Nexflix, because you can’t figuratively watch Netflix, so go ahead and binge watch the next 4 episodes of How to Get Away with Murder…)
If you just work on caring, but not caring to the point of turning your hair white and constantly being on edge and in serious need of a shot to take the edge off, you will be surprised at how that sweet spot will cause things to start to happen. Oh, and as our second recipe for guaranteed success goes – clawing and biting your way to the top – I’m not going to entertain that idea or give you any tips for being an asshat here on LFB because at the end of the day, we all know how to be dicks if we want to be one, so I don’t need to give you any lessons for that.
But moreover, it’s because I hope you will not choose that route. Because I can guarantee you – once you reach the top, it’s going to feel pretty damned empty up there all alone or surrounded by false people. Then again, maybe it won’t, which in that case, you do you. But I know that I’d personally rather be unsuccessful than a douche rolling in all the dolla dolla bills Y’all…
Photography: Thommy White
Editing: Rae Tashman
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