Anatomy of this Outfit: Blouse – Urban Outfitters | Shorts – Levis | Boots – Cotonniers des Comptoirs

Anatomy of an Outfit - photos: Thommy White edits: Rae Tashman -

If at first you don’t succeed… just stop giving a flying f*ck? Oh hello there, my name is Rae and there are a shit tonne of things I give a fuck about – particularly building my career. But if there is anything that the last few months have taught me, it is that I have clearly been going about things all wrong. Because there is a sad and simple truth: Only two kinds of people make it – those who don’t give a fuck and those who elbow their way to the top. And I fit into neither of these categories.

Last week I was talking to a good friend of mine whose band was set to open for Titus Andronicus the following week. Now this friend of mine is a talented lad and loves creating music with his band, but as it currently stands it’s mostly a side project for fun. Now, he happened to be at a party where members of the other opening band just happened to be there. One of the band members from the other opening band began talking to him about how difficult their musical career had been thus far – how full of ups and downs it had been up until now – but that it had all been made worth it because they would be opening to a sea of 200 people in the next few days. When sharing his own band’s history with making music, my friend just kind of awkwardly replied that this was their second gig.

Anatomy of an Outfit - photos: Thommy White edits: Rae Tashman -

Now I am not saying this is some fantastic story or anything, nor did anyone find $5 at the end of it, but the point of this little vignette is to illustrate a point – the band that had been trying to make it and giving all their’s shits about their future had been dealt one blow after another. My friend and his band who play for fun sort of just shrugged their shoulders and found themselves being asked to open for a band after just playing one gig.

I have other friends who choose to instagram for fun and have 10K followers because they just don’t give a shit about their numbers and I see other people busting their metaphorical balls to try to break 100. The universe can be such a douche.

Anatomy of an Outfit - photos: Thommy White edits: Rae Tashman -

And then there are those who don’t bat an eyelash at stepping on or over whatever thing or person they need to in order to climb to the top. And these people generally make it to the top, because they will do whatever it takes. Now this may not be a “not giving a shit” mentality in the traditional sense as they clearly give a shit about making their dreams come true, but they do not give a shit about who they have to fuck over on their way to the top.

And so after 28 years of existence, I have learned one very important lesson: only those who don’t give a shit (assholes and non-assholes alike) make it. Just kidding. Except not really. But here me out for a second, because I think I’m going to be arriving at some profound conclusion in a few more paragraphs.

Anatomy of an Outfit - photos: Thommy White edits: Rae Tashman -

So switching topics entirely (This will all make sense in the end – there is a method to my non sequitur, I promise), I recently watched a ted talk about the surprising habits of original thinkers where Adam Grant discusses the sweet spot between procrastination and getting shit done. Procrastination is paramount to creative people. Those who pre-procrastinate or leave everything to the very last moment have a quantifiably less amount of creativity, but those who fall in the sweet spot between the two – originals – seem to generate the most creativity. Why? Because “procrastination gives you the time to think in non-linear ways and make unexpected leaps.”

And this is the point I am getting at. I don’t actually believe that not giving a flying fuck is going to get you that college degree or music contract, but worrying about your college degree or potential music career every second of every hour of every day is also not going to make your dreams come true. If that other opening band just went with the flow, those downs might not have felt like such huge downs and those highs would have felt more effortless and enjoyable.

Anatomy of an Outfit - photos: Thommy White edits: Rae Tashman -

Let’s take another (this time, entirely banal) example – you know that dread you feel when that guy (or girl) you really like doesn’t text you for over 24 hours so you decide he (or she) clearly hates you and is already dating 20 other people so you decide to Eternal-Sunshine-of-the-Spotless-Mind him (or her) out of your brain and join a Convent where you will give your heart to God, the only man (or woman) that will never leave on you or cheat (because he/she is non-corporeal)? Yeah that shit cray-cray. But we have all been there and the worrying just makes the seconds tick by as slow as hours. Now remember that time you finally said to yourself “[Insert your name here], you are clearly being an insane person. Calm the fuck down, there was a world before texting and a world before [insert name of guy/girl]. And that world was literally a week ago. So calm your tits, woman!” and just went about your day? Inevitably, when you least expect it, his (or her) text comes rolling in when you couldn’t even be arsed to check it.

Now clearly, the universe did not get some kind of memo when you decided to just stop giving a fuck and commanded the person who are seriously jonesing for to send you a text as some sort of reward for calming the fuck down. He (or she) would have sent that text regardless. But because you were not waiting around for it, it seemed to come effortlesly. You are clearly still into said person, but you stopped being an insane person for 5 seconds long enough to let them prove to you they think you’re pretty alright too.

Anatomy of an Outfit - photos: Thommy White edits: Rae Tashman -

So what do Grant’s Ted Talk and my story about the beginning of every crush in the history of crushing ever have in common? They have a sweet spot – that perfect balance between both ends of the spectrum that tends to produce the best results. Whether those results are actual scientifically quantifiable ones or simply a matter of perspective is kind of irrelevant because that sweet spot is inevitably going to get you what you want, and that’s the goal right?

So what I am saying is this – for those of you who are stressing out about your blogging and social media careers (I have seen a lot of posts lately about people questioning whether they should throw in the towel or not), freaking out about a guy (or girl) not calling your back, worrying about the exam you have tomorrow or any other worry that seems to be on constant replay in your brain, try to find the sweet spot.

Anatomy of an Outfit - photos: Thommy White edits: Rae Tashman -

I’m not telling you to quit your blog, or decide to blacklist said guy (or girl), or throw all your notes in the air and watch Netflix for the next 24 hours, but I am telling you to maaaaaybe do so in a small and figurative way (except for Nexflix, because you can’t figuratively watch Netflix, so go ahead and binge watch the next 4 episodes of How to Get Away with Murder…)

If you just work on caring, but not caring to the point of turning your hair white and constantly being on edge and in serious need of a shot to take the edge off, you will be surprised at how that sweet spot will cause things to start to happen. Oh, and as our second recipe for guaranteed success goes – clawing and biting your way to the top – I’m not going to entertain that idea or give you any tips for being an asshat here on LFB because at the end of the day, we all know how to be dicks if we want to be one, so I don’t need to give you any lessons for that.

But moreover, it’s because I hope you will not choose that route. Because I can guarantee you – once you reach the top, it’s going to feel pretty damned empty up there all alone or surrounded by false people. Then again, maybe it won’t, which in that case, you do you. But I know that I’d personally rather be unsuccessful than a douche rolling in all the dolla dolla bills Y’all…

Photography: Thommy White
Editing: Rae Tashman

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Stay conscious, Rae


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Rae Tilly

Rae the EIC of LFB and YEOJA Magazine. She is also a photographer and social media influencer.


  • Carmen Jny (carmitive)

    I love this top and how you styled it! This is such an inspiring and motivating post – I love your attitude!
    xx, Carmen –

  • There’s a quote by Tina Fey I really love: “Do your thing and don’t care if they like it”, which came to mind as I was reading your post. Loved the TED talk as well!

    Inma x

  • Beautiful photography! I don’t believe not caring will get you anywhere. The ones who claim the opposite are simply too good at pretending.
    Did I say how much I love your picture and your outfit?
    So happy I discovered your blog. Definitely going on my ‘favorite blogs’ list.

  • The only way I can sum up this post is having both hustle and heart, for me personally you need a bit of both to ‘succeed’. I don’t believe in not giving a f*ck and screwing whoever/whatever (!) but being realistic and not getting hung up on setbacks. I care less about too many people’s opinion but I invest a lot of heart in my business. Invest your time and energy in what matters but remember having support around you is crucial to your ‘success.’

    Hanh | hanhabelle

  • Violette

    Great post and great tips! Cool look by the way!

  • I’ve gotten to the point in blogging where I really just cannot bother to freak out about everything anymore because you are SO right when you said caring about every little, minute thing just caused a stunt in growth. I’ll be giving Grant’s TED talk a whirl and get maybe input more thoughts once I have watched it through. What I know, though, is I’ll definitely be finding that sweet spot once my rage at pitiful results die down, lol.


  • I guess it comes down to doing your best (without being an asshole) and then not stressing about what you can’t control (this is so much easier said than done though haha!)

  • I know that feeling obsessing every second when a guy that you like didn’t text you back immediately but once I stopped obsessing over it and go about my day, his text comes in and I’m like ‘whatever’. LOL! Oh yea, I remember those days. Like May, I too have come to a point where I can’t, just can’t obsessed about blogging anymore. If my readers enjoy my blog then they’ll come and read and stay, if they don’t then I’m sorry that I am not their cup of tea. I have so much other things going on in my life, I really need to prioritize instead of obsessing about it.

    Shireen | Reflection of Sanity

  • Michèle
  • sileas

    Yep, very true life lessons. The universe is full of surprises whatever path we take anyway :)

  • I think it’s good to care but bad to worry, though the first very easily and very often can lead to the second. Have you watched the TED Talk with Tim Urban, Inside the Mind of a Master Procrastinator? I think it’s very insightful! -Audrey | Brunch at Audrey’s

  • stylishlyinlove

    The photo shoot, the outfit, everything looks amazing!!


  • I rather be unsuccessful than be one of these douche bags who do everything possible to get to the top so they can just look down on people. I wish I could say I don’t give a f*ck and just be it, however I am nowhere close to it. Now all I care about is if I am enjoying what I do and if I am working towards my goals without setting on others, that’s how I get happy and when I am happy everything is good!

    Ela BellaWorld

  • Agree with you! I am one of those girls who try my best to get what I want and It can be stressful but as you said sometimes you just have to let it go :)
    Love the photos btw – your hair is so dope!!

  • Love this outfit so much!

  • Hahaha loved reading your writing Rae! I choose to look at it this way – sometimes not giving a fuck and just having balls is a fine line. Both my friend and I are sort of entrepreneurs (she’s full time, I’m part time) and have a small businesses online. While she doesn’t give a crap about her photos or her packaging or branding or customer service, her orders are flying in. Me on the other hand, obsess over my photography, obsess over my packaging, too scared to spend money on advertising, list goes on and on! While her and I sell different things and I recognize jewelry and accessories is a VERY saturated market, I wish I can just not give a fuck the way she does!

    xo, alice / T Y P E N U

  • Kelly Lookbook

    Very interesting point of view! Love the humor you put into it too. Those photos are stunning, and I love your hair color. Nice post :)

    xoxo | Kelly Lookbook

  • Such a great post! Love to read this.
    And the outfit is so gorgeous.

  • Morgan Miller

    Your hair is just goals! Love all the beautiful thoughts that went into this post x
    Morgan |

  • Lauryn Lasko

    YOU are stunning! Also the photography of this post is perfect.



  • For real such a good post. I’ve learned to stop caring so much about things that I have no control over because at the end of the day, success is mostly luck, and opportunity. You can work so hard but never achieve success and that’s so freakin sad.

  • Your hair is incredible

    Lauren x |

  • Love this, really made me laugh and such a good message!! We can work as hard as we like but sometimes we need the opportunities to be there too. So yes, time to sit back and realise we can’t control EVERYTHING (which is very hard for me to do but hey I’m working on it!) xxx
    Lucy @ La Lingua | Food, Travel, Italy

  • I guess you’re right but it’s so frustrating isn’t it? I find that the more I try the less it matters and things take you by surprise if you don’t pay ‘full attention’ – this goes so much against how I’ve been doing this all my life! And it’s freaking me out a bit ngl, so I’m trying to take it as it comes and find that balance…. really hard though! SIGH. If only we could solve all our problems eh. THAT SAID U R STUNNING GUUUURL <3

    Cherie | sinonym

  • Ahh this is such a well-written post Rae, I love it! I tend to fall more on the ‘procrastination’ spectrum hahaha, I gotta work harder to find my ‘sweet spot’. “The universe can be such a douche.” – I couldn’t agree with you more omg XD Also, you are such a cutiee~

  • Amen! I am not very good at not giving a fuck but I am working on it :)) I remember reading an article all about not giving a fuck, which is pretty funny (and thought provoking too) to read – cannot remember where it is!

    Katrina Sophia

  • Your post made me smile, laugh and nod my head up and down with each paragraph. You really hit all the points =o)

  • i used to care a lot, get worked up even by the smallest criticism. nowadays i just work hard and listen to the loved and cared ones as they’re the ones who matter. being nice is important but to be a dick is an option.

  • “…because I think I’m going to be arriving at some profound conclusion in a few more paragraphs.” – That’s gold right there ;)

    Great post! xo

  • This is a very inspiring post! I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. In the past I was really affected by comments people made regarding my blog. I used to be told that I am wasting my time and that I should be focusing on my degree. I created my blog for myself and I always kept reminding myself that. I don’t need one million people following or reading my blog. All I need is a little corner to get my thoughts out and to just express myself. I guess its important that we remember why we create our blog accounts before we throw it away.
    x Rivania | The Glam Unicorn

  • Hayley Rubery

    These pictures are stunning – such a beautiful post too! <3

    Hayley xo

  • Oh my God! How can u be so pretty, girl? ♡ ʕ•́ᴥ•̀ʔっ

    ♡ Missha Pure Source & Holika Holika Pig nose 3-step Kit ♡

  • Elizabeth Hisle

    I know I say this all the time, but I love this post, because past me gave way too much of a shit all the time. The harder I tried, the more I failed… at writing, at dancing, at acting, blogging, photography, etc… I won’t say I am great at any of those things now, but I feel like just letting my shoulders slide down my back has given me a new sense of self worth. But it can still haunt anyone. I was actually considering giving up blogging a few weeks ago during my move, but really, doesn’t everyone just need a space to create? So we should all continue to create and just live!!!

    Sometimes though, I do wonder if I haven’t been more “successful” is because I can’t fuck people over. I just can’t. So I give too much a shit about not giving a shit there lol, but really, like you said, I would never want to be on top if it meant someone else’s misfortune.

    Thanks for making me think.

  • “Because the universe can be such a douche.” So true!

  • Len Dela Peña Parent

    Gorgeous as always!!!! Love these photos love:)
    Happy Sunday!
    much love, Len

  • I totally agree about there being a sweet spot, and a while ago I decided to just stop giving as much of a fuck. Well I don’t know if it was exactly a decision but it just happened and it makes life so much easier and does allow you to get more done when you’re not stressing so much about making sure one specific thing happens. While it’s good to have goals and work towards things, I think it’s so important to be open to the possibilities because in my experience being 100% stuck on something happening means I’m less likely for it to happen the way I want, and if you go into something without expectation it usually ends up being better than you thought. Planning things down to every detail means you’ve got a pretty slim chance of it going exactly the way you want, but leaving yourself some room for surprises means you’ll end up happier in the long run and won’t be so stressed in the short term either.

    Jessica –

  • Once you reach the top – the ultimate goal, right? Some of the best things have come out of me first procrastinating, have saved that TED Talk and will be watching it tonight.