Anatomy of this Outfit: Long plaid jacket – front row shop* | Shirt – Forever21 | Skirt – Free People | Tights – H&M | Boots – Anonymous Copenhagen


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Last weekend, I went to Hamburg with my friend Maja (who doubled as my assistant) to shoot some photos for a client. It was on this very weekend that I came to the realisation that Berlin has basically completely and utterly fucked me over. Because now no other city can ever compare and I am not exactly sure if I could be happy anywhere else. Now don’t get me wrong, because I LOVE travel and I love discovering new places. I also can’t stay put anywhere for too long and don’t intend to either. I’m just saying I finally decided that Berlin is really the perfect fit for me and it will be hard to find this anywhere else. Honestly, Hamburg wasn’t bad. It just wasn’t Berlin. To it’s credit, I am more than aware that you cannot really pass judgement on a place based off of a first visit. It took me quite some time to “discover” Berlin, and it is easy to dislike a new place when you have no idea where you are really going. It’s not as if Berlin is void of crap. I just know what to avoid and where to go. Which means 100% of the time is a good time. Everytime. This doesn’t happen in a foreign city because the whole thing is sort of a series of hits or misses, which is also an accepted and enjoyable part of travel.

Still, I personally like to either have someone show me around or do a bit of research ahead of time so I can either be pointed in or point myself in the right direction. Because wandering a huge city aimlessly is enjoyable, but so is being able to go to a restaurant/coffee shop/club where someone else has already vouched for the food/coffee/atmosphere. And since the shoot in Hamburg was actually for acquaintances-by-association (is that even a thing?) – a bride-to-be and her bridesmaids, one of whom is a good friend of mine here in Berlin – we were able to get some tips on where to go for the evening. Still, taking into account everything I just said about travelling to new places, I have a pretty good idea that I wouldn’t want to live in Hamburg but would definitely come back for a visit. Funnily enough, all of the parts of the city I ended up enjoying were all places that reminded me of Berlin. Which brings me to last weekend’s realisation number two: Berlin is like that ex boyfriend you can’t get out of your head. You know, the one who you compare each new guy to? The one that you decide no other guy can really compare to? Yeah, that’s Berlin. Cos you find something you love in a new place and then think to yourself, Oh my god! This is just like that time I finally met a new guy only to realize I was dating my ex all over again. (Ok so the last part hasn’t actually ever happened to me, but I am sure it has in like a million romantic comedies, which means it must be true).

From what I saw, Hamburg has these really wide streets and a lot of suburban residence and aside from Schanzenviertel, it did not feel particularly walk-friendly, which I wasn’t really diggin’ so much. In fact, it was kind of downright depressing. Then again, it was raining the whole time so I am sure that had some influence on the judgment I am passing. A lot of the structures were just a lot more modern than I had imagined them to be. It was bizarre, but Hamburg reminded me a lot of the US. Which brings me to realisation number three: Aesthetic subtleties completely influence my mood. Ok, so I might be cheating here a bit, because this isn’t exactly new news to me. This weekend was just further evidence for a truth I know to be true. Seeing that three of my four occupations – graphic design intern, photographer, and blogger – are jobs that heavily rely on the visual, it should come as no surprise to anyone, that I like to surround myself with visually stimulating things. To put it simply and rather superficially: I like thinks that are prettttyy.

But in all seriousness, it’s not as shallow as it sounds. Beauty for me is not just one singularly defined thing or something that society tells us we should find atheistically pleasing. Sure, flowers and good looking people are beautiful. But beauty is really anything that is visually compelling to me. Visually compelling things inspire me and make me happy. And in just the same way, things that I find to be less than compelling are uninspiring and are a total buzzkill. Drabby brownish reddish office buildings are kind of like the epitome of all that is depressing to me. And Hamburg has it’s fair share of these buildings. In the same token, since moving to Europe, a lot of the recently constructed strip malls back home really drag me down. Sure, they might be clean and bright on the outside, but they lack and sense of character. They are literally structures modelled to look like buildings with character, and because of this, fall completely flat.

I guess in a way I feel a bit debilitated by my attention to visual quality because it results in me being relatively picky and hard to please when it comes to spaces and places. But I am sure that I am not the first person coming from a visual field to feel this way. The positive side to all of this is that I am constantly being inspired by the smallest of things other people tend to ignore because I find visual qualities in them that excite me. But what can also play an integral role in all of this is history. Because history makes things beautiful. Age makes things compelling. And that excites me. That is why that American strip mall complex designed to mirror a quaint victorian street just feels empty to me and why moving back to an American suburb would just depress the hell out of me.

But it’s not just the faked authenticity that rings hollow. I guess it is also the familiarity, the inability to be surprised. Because I lived for 20 something years next to strip malls and shopping centers. This is something that makes me love living here in Europe. Even the day to day banalities like traffic lights, licence plates, or street signs are exciting. And it’s at times like these that I am reminded how lucky I am to be living halfway around the world from everything I once knew. And I can’t wait to eventually pick up and move somewhere else and do it all again.

Photography: Dean


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Herzlich, Rae

Rae Tilly

Rae the EIC of LFB and YEOJA Magazine. She is also a photographer and social media influencer.

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  • susext.blogspot.com

    Thanks for an interesting read :) Love your style and what you write ^^

  • Shannon Broderick

    love this! you write so beautifully-I feel the same way about america, and it’s why i can’t wait to move to europe someday. i’m so glad that you have made berlin your home, found your niche :)

    Little Blue Backpack

    • rae

      Thank you so much, it means a lot to me that you enjoy my writing! And I hope that you are able to make the move soon!

  • Stephanie Louise

    Rae, I totally get what you mean. Maybe I am a little bias because I was born in Seoul and it’s my place, but I can’t find another place like that and I don’t think I will. I fell in love with San Francisco in a few days and I knew beforehand before I visited that I could live there for a long time and be happy. Sometimes a place is just your place :)

    http://nativeblush.com/

    • rae

      I am surprised you loved San Francisco so much! I visited with Nick last summer, and although I did enjoy it, I felt like it was a bit too much of a financial city and was lacking the art and culture. However, we were staying at a hotel in the financial district and went to fisherman’s warf, so I think we were just around a lot of touristy stuff and I would definitely be up for giving it a second shot! I could never deal with the weather there though!

  • Super super gorgeous, love the jacket/shirt <3

    The Quirky Queer

    • rae

      Thanks, Izzy!

  • Space Cadet Betti

    Another beautifully written piece :) I can completely relate too. I’ve actually only been in Berlin for a month but already the thought of having to move back to my lovely but dull home town fills me with fear. Life can never be boring when there’s always something new to discover, or an interesting quirk you never noticed before in a street you thought you knew like the back of your hand.
    Also, loving the mermaid locks and fantastic plaid.
    Betti xx
    http://www.betti-inberlin.blogspot.com

    • rae

      Thanks so much, Betti! I am so glad that you have fallen in love with this amazing city! We should definitely grab a coffee soon! xx