Columnist Nancy shares her thoughts on romance in the age of tinder:

Choose Tinder. Choose here, now and the present because past tense is not as intense. Choose a free, effortless, consensual and casual method of rendezvous with the prospect of getting laid flooding your mind. Choose post-sex brunch Instaworthy moments for hashtag goals. Choose not feeling like a loser for being the last single party animal left. Choose average company instead of another evening netflixin’ and chillin’ by yourself after a pint in the pub and a quick grub in the chipper.  Choose swiping right infinitely until you find THE ONE, even if the one just wants a one night stand. Which you’ll either regret the morning after, or wish you could have repeated over and over again, daydreaming of a long-lasting affair tinged with hints of romance and a neverending honeymoon phase.

Tinder is a 21st century catalogue of romantic and sexual possibilities. Todays youth seek instant gratification through an app that comes in handy to a generation way too busy to have a random chat in the local café with a random stranger, no matter how attractive he or she is. The same generation who also fear commitment more than any STI is unable to find balance between a post-interrogation (“How do you see yourself in 5 years?”) ride  and a dead end marriage & mortgage combo – and there is nothing wrong about that, as long as everybody’s happy.

I often say that Tinder killed the romance flare. We all secretly yearn for insane intimacy, spontaneous passion and a mindblowing love high, something that makes life have more sense – or at least more of an adrenaline rush. Naturally, we long for a lover, partner or just a fuckbuddy. Orgasms and love stories, a sense of surprise, escapism, and emotional fulfilment that would convert even romance-phobes. Let’s face it, most of us who are not sociopaths fantasize of someday attaining the couple coolness of Serge and Jane, Bonnie and Clyde, Ellen and Portia, Jagger and Bianca, Bogie and Bacall, Lynch and Rossellini. Doesn’t matter if it’s ephemeral or eternal, as long as it’s epic.

Personally, Tinder ain’t my cup of tea and I wouldn’t advise anyone to look for love in such a smartphone swamp. I’m not judging, it’s just a personal preference built on a previous bad experience that made me learn a thing or two (I hope). I’m also a hopeless romantic and years of heartbreak hangover made me give up on whatever quest for cinematic romance rooted on platonic and unrequested affection I was on. I’ve actually met one of my best friends on Tinder because he sent me dog pics instead of dick pics. Although it’s not an app I’d re-install, because there is so much going on out there, a real life experience I refuse to neglect.

In fairness, are we really looking for love or just a sex fix? Perhaps a passion high, fueled by dopamine and serotonin minus the dreaded oxytocin that leads to togetherness and emotional connection since that only ends in weakness, vulnerability and tears. Instead, an oasis of emotionless eroticism becomes our comfort zone. The chase, the flirt, and the constant intoxicating seduction are entertaining enough to keep us interested so we go on, and on, and on until we get bored or ditched.

Anyway, swipe left, swipe right, blind date, fall in love. Whatever makes you happy. Just keep in mind that things can happen outside that matchmaker underworld as well. I see solitudephobes sheltered and shielded by social media, afflicted with hormonal hurricanes and they never cease to amaze me with their dating fables. Go for it and don’t limit or reduce your possibilities. As Men Without Hats sang, “the night is young and so am I”.

Photography: Nancy
Post-processing: Rae


Nancy Wilde

Nancy is an urban explorer; candle collector; nocturnal neo-flapper; avid thrifter; ottersloth; pub fly; fridge raider; literature enthusiast with a passion for bygone eras and Peter Pan collars. Currently living in dirty old Dublin, Ireland.


  • I’ve tried Tinder a few times but I haven’t had exactly the best experiences so that’s put me off too! x

    Ariadna || RAWR BOWS

    • Nancy Wilde

      Good to know it wasn’t just me ahah x) xx Cheers!

  • This was a great insightful article! I loved your thoughts on the differences it was eye opening :)

    • Nancy Wilde

      Ah thanks for the feedback Heather! x

  • Bivisyani Q.

    This is such a wonderful read. I’ve never been on Tinder myself (as annoying as this might sound, Tinder came out a while after I got into an ongoing committed relationship), but I’ve heard stories. This post really gives a whole other perspective to what Tinder could be and what romance in the modern days would consist of. Really well written!

    Alive as Always

    • Nancy Wilde

      Thanks for reading :) You didn’t miss much, in my opinion – by not going on Tinder, that is. xx

  • This post was poetry! I think I’m also a romantic and I wouldn’t expect anything from Tinder, but that doesn’t stop me from enjoying my friends’ Tinder stories! :P -Audrey | Brunch at Audrey’s

    • Nancy Wilde

      Thank you, Audrey! Oh yeah, Tinder produces the best (and worst) stories!

  • I’ve been in a relationship for over 6 years so i’ve never had the chance to experience using Tinder but I do enjoy some of the stories my friends share with me. It’s quite an interesting app =o)

    • Nancy Wilde

      Interesting indeed! Thanks for commenting x

  • I’ve always had a strange relationship with Tinder and other online dating sites. I started using Tinder, to find love. I didn’t know where else to look. But mostly I found guys, who were just looking for a date for a night. Until one day, where I found this guy. We talked. But I got tired after a while and deleted the app. Six months later I started on a online dating site. And I didn’t have it for more than a few days, until the same guy send me a message. We meet up. And we have been together ever since. Now we live together, have a dog and are trying to have a baby.
    And it all started on Tinder. It can happen ;)

    • Nancy Wilde

      It sure can, and you were certainly one of the lucky ones! :) x

  • first off, this post is so beautifully written. i love reading it! audrey said it already, this post was and is a poetry on its own.

    secondly, i agree. i don’t and will never use tinder. i’d rather be single than use a dating app. of course, i’m not going to antagonize those who use tinder but if i were to look into a mirror and into my reflection, i’d say this to myself: don’t use tinder, it’s pathetic. that’s just what i’d say to myself. again, no hate towards those who like it. i wouldn’t call myself a hopeless romantic either although for sure, it’d be fun if you can have someone to hang out with and pull the bonnie & clyde epicness. i have this strange perception regarding dating apps, that these are places for creepers and sociopaths to lurk. maybe that’s why i don’t find the idea flattering.

    likewise, despite being socially awkward, anxious and extremely timid, i’d still take the traditional route of meeting someone, get to know them and then maybe, date. at least that’s how mine happened. no dating app at all and i’m happy this way.

    nice article though! x


    • Nancy Wilde

      Thanks a million for your kind words! Tinder is the place for creepers, sociopaths but also introverts, sexist losers, nymphos, etc etc you name it. I’ve only had Tinder for like 1 month because I didn’t want to judge so I gave it a go… Baaaaad idea, Never again. But hey some people get lucky and happy, or at least luckier and happier than I did! x

  • Gorgeous writing!

    I know people who have met serious, long-term partners through tinder. I also know people who were NOT single who would use Tinder just for fun…. maybe for some bizzare-o validation of having someone swipe right (or is it left?) on them. I found that strange, for sure. That it was like entertainment and validation more than an actual attempt to meet people. It’s a mixed bag that’s for sure!

    • Nancy Wilde

      Since Tinder is a bit like a catalogue it can certainly provide some fun without any intent whatsoever of dating. Swipe right, I think? Ahaha! It is a mixed bag alright. x

  • Sophie Lee

    Such a good writing. I always think Tinder is the best reflection for nowsaday romance

    xoxo, Best Wallets for Women 2016

    • Nancy Wilde

      it is, which is bittersweet in a way.