Columnist Nancy shares her thoughts on romance in the age of tinder:
Choose Tinder. Choose here, now and the present because past tense is not as intense. Choose a free, effortless, consensual and casual method of rendezvous with the prospect of getting laid flooding your mind. Choose post-sex brunch Instaworthy moments for hashtag goals. Choose not feeling like a loser for being the last single party animal left. Choose average company instead of another evening netflixin’ and chillin’ by yourself after a pint in the pub and a quick grub in the chipper. Choose swiping right infinitely until you find THE ONE, even if the one just wants a one night stand. Which you’ll either regret the morning after, or wish you could have repeated over and over again, daydreaming of a long-lasting affair tinged with hints of romance and a neverending honeymoon phase.
Tinder is a 21st century catalogue of romantic and sexual possibilities. Todays youth seek instant gratification through an app that comes in handy to a generation way too busy to have a random chat in the local café with a random stranger, no matter how attractive he or she is. The same generation who also fear commitment more than any STI is unable to find balance between a post-interrogation (“How do you see yourself in 5 years?”) ride and a dead end marriage & mortgage combo – and there is nothing wrong about that, as long as everybody’s happy.
I often say that Tinder killed the romance flare. We all secretly yearn for insane intimacy, spontaneous passion and a mindblowing love high, something that makes life have more sense – or at least more of an adrenaline rush. Naturally, we long for a lover, partner or just a fuckbuddy. Orgasms and love stories, a sense of surprise, escapism, and emotional fulfilment that would convert even romance-phobes. Let’s face it, most of us who are not sociopaths fantasize of someday attaining the couple coolness of Serge and Jane, Bonnie and Clyde, Ellen and Portia, Jagger and Bianca, Bogie and Bacall, Lynch and Rossellini. Doesn’t matter if it’s ephemeral or eternal, as long as it’s epic.
Personally, Tinder ain’t my cup of tea and I wouldn’t advise anyone to look for love in such a smartphone swamp. I’m not judging, it’s just a personal preference built on a previous bad experience that made me learn a thing or two (I hope). I’m also a hopeless romantic and years of heartbreak hangover made me give up on whatever quest for cinematic romance rooted on platonic and unrequested affection I was on. I’ve actually met one of my best friends on Tinder because he sent me dog pics instead of dick pics. Although it’s not an app I’d re-install, because there is so much going on out there, a real life experience I refuse to neglect.
In fairness, are we really looking for love or just a sex fix? Perhaps a passion high, fueled by dopamine and serotonin minus the dreaded oxytocin that leads to togetherness and emotional connection since that only ends in weakness, vulnerability and tears. Instead, an oasis of emotionless eroticism becomes our comfort zone. The chase, the flirt, and the constant intoxicating seduction are entertaining enough to keep us interested so we go on, and on, and on until we get bored or ditched.
Anyway, swipe left, swipe right, blind date, fall in love. Whatever makes you happy. Just keep in mind that things can happen outside that matchmaker underworld as well. I see solitudephobes sheltered and shielded by social media, afflicted with hormonal hurricanes and they never cease to amaze me with their dating fables. Go for it and don’t limit or reduce your possibilities. As Men Without Hats sang, “the night is young and so am I”.
Photography: Nancy
Post-processing: Rae
