Anatomy of this Outfit: Blouse – UO | Skirt – UO | Hat – UO | Tights – H&M | Flats – Steve Madden | Thrifted coat* – Humana
*At the time of purchase I was unaware that this coat was real fur. Had I had known, I would not have purchased it.

Rae of

At dinner the other night, I jokingly told my companion that I wished I had 2 extra hours each day but only for me and a very small select group of people, so that I could get 8,3% more done than the rest of the population (provided, I were to actually be productive for the whole day). I told him I would also settle for cutting myself in two to get double the amount of work done.

Rae of

Joking aside, the sentiment is still there – there never seem to be enough goddamned hours in the day to do all the things I want to do and see all the places I want to see.

There is all the work I want to be creating, for LFB and for my photography business, all the art I want to be making, all the books and magazines I want to read – I have a stack of New Yorker Magazines that take up two whole shelves in my bookcase that have never been opened – all the places I want to travel to, all the galleries and museums I want to visit, all the songs I want to write, all the things I want to learn, all the new hobbies I want to start, and there are my dreams of starting my documentary and search about/for my birth mother in South Korea as well as my dream of going off the grid to travel both southern Asia and drive across the US in a camper.

And then there are still those grand dreams of falling in love, building a home, growing a life.

Rae of

At 28, I feel the years ticking by, a not so silent ever persisting faint rhythmic tick tick, tick-tick-tick ringing in my ears, located somewhere in the back of my head, reminding myself that I will be approaching my last fuckable day sooner than I would like, thinking that life somehow starts at 28 and ends at 30 and how it’s cruel and more than just a little bit unfair. And then I try to remind myself that 40 is the new 30 and 30 is the new 20 so I basically get 20 years for free, and fuck those stupid sexist double standards anyway. But can I really still wear ripped tights and dye my hair blue when i’m 45? (Not sure, but I will probably be doing so anyway…)

Rae of

In addition to feeling the weight of time on my shoulders and the pressure of founding a business (I know I have only just begun, but now long can you “found” something before it’s actually a failure?), I also question the way the social media world has become full of aspirational content, always tugging at my sleeve, whispering in my ear, reminding me that other people are out there going places and doing things, and I’m sitting here typing up this post from behind a computer screen in my bathrobe.

And yet although I am somehow fully aware that we only show the world the best plays of our lives mirroring the technics used by movie trailer makers, I am still yearning to be that adventuring soul facing this brave new world all on her own even though, when I sit back and look at my life, I’m doing just that. (I have a funny feeling that if we were all to look at our lives through our social media channels were we not to be ourselves, we would be envious of ourselves as well. And ain’t that the rub?)

Rae of

There were times in my life when I was unhappy and felt as if time were this horribly infinite thing that had no end, but these days I feel as if it’s like sand in my hand, and the harder a try to hold onto it, the faster it slips from my fingers. I think my workaholism comes from a need to make sure I don’t waste a second of the life that has been given to me, because time is so short, and we only get a very small portion to do with it what we want.

Rae of

I don’t fear death like I used to as a scared little child counting down the dreaded days until my parents were no longer with me or the approximate year I were to leave this earth, but I fear wasting time. I fear breathing but not living. I want to make every second count and not waste any minute of it.

Rae of

Life can’t be a three-ring circus all the time, but I want my eyes to discover something new every day and I want my heart to fill with happiness when I wake up and my soul to feel content when I bury myself under the covers. I want more drunken nights, more lazy sundays, more adventure more exploration, I want to do everything with 100% excitement and ambition.

Rae of

It’s not what you do but how you do it but still there’s a hell of a lot of

Can’t we just freeze time and stay here for a while?

Photography: Joel
Editing: Rae Tashman

Don’t forget to check out LFB’s podcasts & sign up for LFB’s conscious living challenge.

Stay conscious, Rae


instagram | Twitter | work with LFB

Rae Tilly

Rae the EIC of LFB and YEOJA Magazine. She is also a photographer and social media influencer.


  • I totally get where you’re coming from Rae, I was walking to work today and was thinking have I done all the things I’ve wanted to do during the last 30 odd years….I felt like I wanted to start again in my 20’s but I know there’s no point thinking like that! I should grasp life with both hands, enjoy every moment, take in new experiences and not giving a f*ck. There’s so much I want to achieve with my life that’s why I started my own biz! I know know what you mean about not having enough time, I have new books I haven’t read, continents I haven’t explored and even new styles I want to experiment with.

    Life really is fleeting, as one of my colleague’s father passed away recently sometimes those wake up calls are what we need to make the most of our lives now not later :)

    BTW you should totally do that documentary!

    Hanh | hanhabelle

    • rae

      I could not agree with you more. Although I do sometimes wish I had figured shit out I know at 28 at 22, life doesn’t work that way,and I needed time to process information, figure shit out, and grow as a person in order to get to the place I am at now! It is so awesome that you too are just going for it and braving the big bad world of entrepreneurship! Wishing you the best of luck!

  • I totally get what you mean with how time changes throughout our lives. These days I find it hard to rest and do nothing, it makes me feel guilty that I’m wasting time, even though I know that I need rest too.

  • You’re 28 years old? I’d have given you like 21 haha. I totally get what you mean, it’s like no matter how productive you are during the day there’s always something that you couldn’t do. Thinking about all the things and places I want to do and go makes me a little anxious but on the other side sometimes I believe that it’s good to be like this, because it means you have a lot of dreams and that you’re an ambicious person. Anyway, I’m just rambling haha but I hope you can make everything you want! (And that in the future they invented more hours and freezing time)

  • “I fear breathing but not living” just about sums up my entire life. Death isn’t something I’m scared off much to the horror of many around me. In fact, I’m looking forward to the day I meet my Maker. It’s the living part that I’m afraid of as well. Just like you’ve articulately written in this post, Rae, it’s the many thing that I fear I won’t be able to do that chills the blood in my veins.

    For the record, if you ever document your search for your birth mother, or your trip across the States, I will be the first in line to watch it. Also, if you ever find a way to add time into each day or cut yourself in half, share it with me! God knows I need it, hahaha.

    I wish you the best of luck, Rae. x


  • Cool coat, and I love your hair. There is just never enough time. I agree!

    Amy Ann
    Straight A Style

  • Georgia Christakis

    You should know from my perspective your life is certainly beautifully curated. I just started following and I’m loving your posts so far. :)

  • You’re right to fear wasting time because I mean, it’s the most valuable thing in life – you can never get it back. But sometimes the best things happen when we’re not constantly trying to be productive.
    Love your writing. :)

    XoXo Noma

  • I definitely feel this! I’m 21 and set to graduate university in December, and I feel as though I need to balance getting the most out of my fleeting youth while still managing to make something of myself. But there just isn’t enough time (or money) to fit it all in.

    Kate |

  • Elizabeth Hisle

    I know how you feel! This is my problem on the regular, especially since I am stuck at a 9-5 8 hours a day! I don’t even subscribe to magazines anymore because I know I won’t get around to it. I want to learn and do so much… I also fear breathing and not living and I worry that is what I am doing every day. I want to learn more about photography, I want to publish something… anything, really. I am also 28 though, so honestly, I feel a lot better after reading this. It’s nice to know you aren’t alone wandering through life hoping you’re not fucking it up too badly. The thing is, I suspect everyone is like this to some degree. Those who have it “figured out” are probably wondering if they even made the right choices, you know?

    Good luck finding your birth mom btw. I do hope that works out for you, when you get to it.

  • I understand this and I am 21 years old. I think that we all get this feeling and it is horrible but I also think it’s amazing because It shows that we really love this life.

  • “I fear breathing but not living. I want to make every second count and not waste any minute of it.”

    reading everything and silently whispering amen and nodding. i’m at loss of words because you wrote every inch of what’s been jumbled up in my head lately. thank you so much. the line above hits home the hardest! time is running too fast for me. i hope i could make the most of it while i still have all the energy and will to do so. hoping the same for you <3 best of luck for everything <3

    p. s. you in skirt is the cutest thing ever. i may or may not just squealed so hard xx

  • Ooo boy. I find that it helps to focus on the NOW otherwise I’d freak out. Can’t agree more about having so little time for all the things we’d want to do in life, especially as creatives; I’d love to step into photography, or try my hand at graphic design, or pick up knitting again, or become a full time illustrator, oh it goes on and on. Loved reading this Rae, chug along!

    xo, alice / T Y P E N U

  • isa machado

    Amazing outfit dear! :)

    Isa M., Tic Tac Living

  • If you ever get around to filming that documentary, that would be amazing and difficult, probably. If you feel strongly about it, definitely do it. And screw the thought of aging. 20s? 30s? 40s? Who cares? That’s just a number. Keep living (and dyeing your hair!)

  • I totally get what you mean about time. I feel like I started to get that feeling when I turned 25 and it’s only gotten worse now that I’m 27. I feel like there are so many things for me to do, but so little time. I try to remind myself that being busy only means I’m living life to its fullest. Best of luck with all your projects! Also, you look amazing in that outfit!


  • I can relate to this post so much! I mean, I am 18 and aware that I am very young – but also, there is SO much I would like to do and when thinking about it I don’t know how I possibly will have time for it all … I find myself procrastinate so much that I feel like I am wasting the time I could spend on being a lot more creative and I hope that I somehow can work to change that! A documentary sounds like such a fun idea – would love to do one myself as well one day – and I’d love to see yours id you do it! xxx

    Filippa ⎮ Always a Dot

  • I’m so with you on this one, girl! I’m going to turn 22 this year, but I feel 18 and I apparently look 15 and I’m ID’ed everywhere so basically my brain and body is really confused! However, from factual evidence, I know that I’m not getting any younger (it only feels like yesterday when I turned 18 and told my self I had a WHOLE LONG 5 years left until I was 23, in which time I would have passed my car, graduated uni, travelled the world, got a job, and finally be able to manage myself efficiently.

    Now maybe, I’ve done half of it, but there’s SO many little things that I want to do and more keep being added to the list, like learning a new language or cooking something new and I just have absolutely NO time! Especially after recovering from my gastro problems (my immunosuppressants are working wonders, yay!) I’ve decided I want to live life more better than previously, so I’m more active in the gym and getting involved in the community, which means I have absolutely no time to do other things…then there’s the issue of my body clock ticking ever so quickly, and before I’ll know it BAM I’ll need to settle down (because that is also on my list for in my twenties!) but eventhough I have a ‘special’ person I feel it’s far too early, and I don’t want to hurry up before doing everything that I want….

    Sorry for the rant, it’s just that I related to your post SO SO MUCH!

    Pop over to my blog :)


  • I love this post so much! I’m turning 21 this year so I really have no right to feel old lol, but I can totally relate to the fear that I’m wasting time. There are so many things I want to achieve, and with all the social media we have now I feel like I should always be doing at least SOME thing worthwhile. The problem is that just makes me feel guilty for relaxing a bit and doing nothing, which is something I need to work on.

  • your coat is so stunning <3


  • Abril Bedoya

    I really like your words and honesty. I am 30 and I don’t feel even close to be as successful as I would like to be. I dropped my career at University because I didn’t like it and then took a call center job because that was the easiest and better paid where I live. I feel now a lot of energy to do things I like, cooking, fashion, writing, dancing but I feel that at my age you shouldn’t be taking risks anymore and just settle down with a well paid job, mostly since I have a kid. I also feel embarrassed sometimes to show the things I like because people may think that is not suitable for my age. I know this are all obstacles I put myself on my mind and I should just do what I like but some words of encouragement form a smart and cool woman like you would help! Thanks :)

  • that was a powerful post. i am turning 24 next week and although that seems young i feel like my childhood is behind me and only adult hood and growing old awaits me. but i recently started to practice yoga and work on my blog where i have discovered interesting things about myself and others around me. life is a beautiful gift

  • This is such an open, stream-of-consciousness kind of post–it feels very honest. I think most of us can probably relate to the feeling that we’re not doing enough or making every moment count; and let’s face it, I’m definitely not always using my time the best that I can. Also, I’m a part of the internet generation and I think that it’s added a lot to my life (blogging, online friendships, etc.), but sometimes it just exacerbates that “grass is greener” problem. When everyone’s putting their best face forward online, and all the aesthetics are about adventure and travel and romance, it’s easy to feel like we’re missing out or doing something wrong, or to feel pulled in a million directions because there’s so much out there to do, way too many paths to travel for the one life we’re living now.

    I feel like I’m starting to find my direction (for now), but I can relate to the feeling of having so many aspirations you don’t know where to begin. Last year especially I overwhelmed myself trying to pile too much on my plate at once, and now I know I have to find a balance amid everything, too. I also think it’s probably wise to learn to be okay with where I am, to find what makes me happy and appreciate the beauty of my life now, even as I look forward to other things. I’m still not sure I’m all that great at it, and maybe I don’t always or often succeed, but I hope I’m doing better.

    I hope you find your direction, and I also hope you find peace with where you are now. Your dreams–finding your birth mother, making a documentary, songwriting, traveling–sound marvelous, and I hope you’re able to accomplish them. Best wishes to you on your journey! (And ignore the ticking clock. Just because we keep getting older doesn’t mean we’re any less capable of chasing dreams. <3)

    Taylor Lynn | Paper Daydreams

  • “I fear breathing but not living.” Girl, you write so beautifully and openly. As you mentioned, I find it’s important to focus on the moment, the present, so that I don’t miss out in the beauty of the “now” by worrying about the “later”.

  • I am 37 now, and the one thing I have learned is that there are only a few things that really do have a date set on them and that it is never too late to do the things you love. You may just notice that the things you want to do change with time, so you will end up not doing some of them, just because you no longer want to.

    Linda, Libra, Loca: Beauty, Baby and Backpacking

  • I can relate to everything you’re saying, and the only advice I have it to just take it day by day. I love reading your thoughts, and the bonus is seeing your cute outfits and wonderful photography <3

  • This fashion really suits you (: ♡

    ♡ {Video} Pink and purple makeup ♡

  • I love this post and what you said about social media. You’re so right in saying if we were to step back and look at our social media accounts without knowing the personal struggles and inferiorities we deal with, we would probably see what we see and want from others. I always want more time, I think we all do – but I feel like that’s a good thing, it keeps us striving to do more and more with whatever time we do have :)


  • Oh Rae, this is such a beautiful post and one that translates to me so perfectly! I am so out there with you, wanting do to more and enjoy life more. But time seems to slip away so fast and I feel like I don’t have enough of it to do all the amazing things I want to do! What can we do? Keep running forward?

  • Omg you’re soo adorable! I love your blog and your hair! *-*

  • When I was 28 I broke up with the boy I had been with since I was 19 and it was heartbreaking and scary and I too felt like I had this window until 30 to really be young. Now at 35 I feel younger than I did when I was 25 and I am going out with a guy who, ironically, is 28. Age is just a number and there are no rules to what we can and can’t do at certain points of our lives. Just do what feels right at the time, and as you say, make every moment count. Beautiful post Rae!

    Inma x

  • There is definitely never enough time! While my job isn’t freelance or online-based so I don’t have those extra stresses, I always feel like there’s more I could or should be doing. And it’s funny how the aspirational instagram content you mentioned is probably made by people who are sitting, just like you and just like me right now in our pyjamas in front of a screen. I know you know it already because you’ve also just posted about going off the grid, but I think we all live our lives to the fullest when we’re not in front of a screen, but it’s hard to do that when your work is internet based, and when we get so much joy from things like blogging and connecting with people around the world. I think we just need to find a good balance.

    jessica –